I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize