can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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