How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we're so committed to being not committed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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