It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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