I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
