Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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