I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
