i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that