I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
