in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize