i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.