those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.