omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.