I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
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Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10