He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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