I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
