I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
