ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
