You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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