Me too!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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