i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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