absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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