you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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