I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
