Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
