I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
