Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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