I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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