I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
