I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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