i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
