Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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