yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
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That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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