His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
