Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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