it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
