please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
