5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
