I just made out with a guy for $7.
no, he came in my armpit
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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