I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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