Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
