I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
