meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
