she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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