Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
