the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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