"it" just moved
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize