I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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