so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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