I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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