So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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