i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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