Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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