So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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