Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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