There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
