Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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