My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
