you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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