somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
