Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
