I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
