are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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