Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize