she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
PANTIES FOUND
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