her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
