Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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