Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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