Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
