It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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