On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
