so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
