Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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